The 10 Best Covers EVAR!

So, with everyone releasing Nirvana covers and Rolling Stone Magazine releasing a list of the best covers as voted by their readers, I decided to get in on the fun by releasing my own list of covers. The ground rules were: covers must be studio-recorded (not live), no remixes, and no solo artists doing songs from their original bands. So while Gaslight Anthem's "State of Love and Trust", Bassnectar's "Lights" remix and Chuck Ragan playing "God Deciding" are all awesome, you won't see them on this list. Here goes:


Honourable Mention: Caninus- Victim in Pain (Agnostic Front Cover)

Far and away the weirdest cover I've ever encountered has to be goregrind band Caninus covering Agnostic Front's "Victim in Pain" for their 2005 split with Cattle Decapitation. Does using pit bulls as lead singers make your cover unconventional and original? Absolutely. Does it make it good? That's a different story.



10: Alexisonfire- Passing Out in America (Moneen Cover)

For their Switcheroo Series contribution, Alexisonfire added an extra dimension to their splitmate's signature song, "Passing of America". By increasing the tempo and adding screams, Alexisonfire brought a level of intensity to the song that seems sorely missing from the Moneen version. Dallas Green's superior vocal abilities don't hurt Alexis's case either. Neither does the fact that they're instrumentally more talented than Moneen. Bonus points for the A Capella section in the middle of the song.


9: A Day to Remember- Since U Been Gone (Kelly Clarkson Cover)

I'll admit that the whole "cheesy pop-punk band covering a cheesy pop song" concept is passe, fundamentally lame, and sometimes, downright repulsive, but there's something about A Day to Remember's Kelly Clarkson cover that separates it from the large pool of complete garbage surrounding it. When other bands try to pull this off, they either get condescending or just don't get the joke. ATDR rip through this cheesy pop song with tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek, but at the same time aren't "too cool" to have a little fun doing it. It becomes painfully apparent during the bridge that Jeremy McKinnon doesn't have Kelly's pipes, but by that time you're having too much fun to care. Flame me as much as you want, I love both versions of this song, and I refuse to apologize.



8: Quicksand- How Soon is Now (The Smiths Cover)

To be honest, I had no idea this song was a cover of the Smiths song until I looked up the lyrics. Can you blame me? Aside from the intro, the songs couldn't be less different- Morrissey's deep, drawn out wails follow a completely different rhythm than Schreifels' high pitched bark, and Quicksand turns the Smiths glum brand of post-punk into a punchy, slithering "pre-Limp-Bizkit-nu-metal" stomper. When the palm mutes come in at the start of the first verse it's almost impossible to not start bobbing along in approval. I'm not sure which version I like more, but I am sure that Quicksand put a fresh post-hardcore take on one of post-hardcore's most influential precursors.



7: Pearl Jam- Last Kiss (J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers Cover) 

If there's a prettier song about watching the love of your life die in your arms, I've yet to hear it. For this little ditty, Pearl Jam took a staple of that weird car-crash melodrama music that was somehow popular in the sixties and put enough raw emotion behind it to kill a small animal. The band sounds like they're trying to play a grunge version of the tune from your grandmother's treasured music box, while Eddie Vedder sounds more and more ready to burst into tears with every note. Listening intently to the lyrics will put a lump in your throat on a good day, and might just leave you in tears on a bad one... wait what? What did you just say? Pussy...

Seriously though, great song.


6: Johnny Cash- Rusty Cage (Soundgarden Cover)

Anyone in a hardcore band, metal band, or any other kind of band that wants to sound "heavy as fuck" needs to wait until 1:24 of the above video and take a very important lesson from the Man in Black. It doesn't matter how many strings you have on your Ibanez, or what kind of pedals you have, or the number of piercings on your face, or how long your vocalist can hold a gutteral squeal. Heavy isn't a tone, brother. Nor is it a look. It's a fucking attitude. Who would've thought one of the heaviest breakdowns of all time would be provided by a 90-year-old man singing over a blues riff. Granted, we're talking about one of the most badass and pissed off 90-year-old men ever singing over a pretty grimy blues riff, but I digress. Lightning fast blast-beats and brutal caveman riffs are cool and all, but until you have the passion and aggression to back that up, it's child's play. Johnny Cash is the original hardcore musician-- and this song is all the proof you need.



5: Uncle Tupelo/Rumbleseat- Moonshiner (Traditional)

There's no way I could pick between the two versions of this song. Uncle Tupelo's version has slightly better instrumentation and seems to be more atmospherically representative of the song's content, but I can't get over the way Samantha Jones' and Chris Wollard's vocals harmonize. Not to mention the fact that CHRIS FUCKING WOLLARD! (no grammar necessary). Either way, this song rips. It appeals to the broken-hearted, disaffected, down on his luck, borderline alcoholic in all of us. Or maybe just in me... Either way, both artists do a great job of letting us know we're not alone in being alone-- conveying comfort in hopelessness using acoustic guitars, harmonicas, and marvelous, whiskey soaked voices. Great stuff.



4: Dynamite Hack- Boyz 'N Tha Hood (Eazy E Cover) 

Sorry Ben Folds, but Dynamite Hack win for "most gentrified version of a West Coast rap song". It would be easy to take this song at face value and enjoy it for the novelty or the irony, but that would be giving Dynamite Hack way less credit than they deserve. To say 'Hey, let's turn a really hardcore gangsta rap song into the whitest indie song ever' is a novel enough concept-- pulling it off this effectively takes something different altogether. If nothing else it's nice to be reminded that regardless of race, socioeconomic background and subculture affiliation, us young people all want the same thing-- to make something of ourselves and have fun doing it. Truly social commentary, whether Dynamite Hack meant it or not.



3: Metallica- Turn the Page (Bob Seger Cover)

When I listen to the intro to Bob Seger's version of "Turn the Page", I picture an 18-wheeler driving towards me in the sunset. When I listen to Metallica's I picture an F-18 fighter jet taxiing the runway for takeoff. That's really the only analogy you need to describe the difference between the two. I'm not certain which version I prefer, I guess it depends on the day. However, you can't deny that Metallica did an excellent job of taking a trucker anthem and blasting it into the consciousnesses of a new generation of nomads. Say what you will about post-Black Album Metallica (I think they've always been kinda mediocre), you can't deny that they poured themselves into this cover. At a time when they had been distanced by fans, friends and each other, they took Bob Seger's introvert anthem, turned it up to 11 and made their own.



2: Hot Water Music- Radio (Alkaline Trio Cover)

Kids in bands, take note-- this is how you cover a song. As there's no way to replicate the awesomeness of the next song on the list, "Radio" will have to be the standard-bearer for good covers. Here, Hot Water Music took a very straightforward pop-punk tune and added harmonies, dynamics, structural variation, and all the other things that turn a catchy little ditty into a great song. And the best part is, it's not even like Quicksand covering the Smiths where you have to strain your ear to hear the similarities-- It's obviously "Radio" by Alkaline Trio, but infinitely more interesting. Granted, being a 3-piece, ALK3 had some structural (and substance) limitations, but the fact that Hot Water Music can run circles around a band on their own (pretty good) song is a testament to the quality of their songwriting. This cover is a prime example of why Hot Water Music are the best punk band of all time.



1: Johnny Cash- Hurt (Nine Inch Nails Cover)

It's undisputable. Trent Reznor's biting, moving poetry about hopelessness, sung by a man who knows death is approaching; even without the context, without seeing "Walk the Line", speaks for itself. The man singing has made mistakes. We all have. The man singing  has hurt the ones closest to him. We all do. The man singing is dying. We all are. Reznor's lyrics are relateable on the most basic level; the fact that an old man who made his name well before they were written chose "Hurt" as his swan song speaks to that. The instrumentation is biting, deep, and on point, there's no disputing that. However, it's Cash's voice that makes "Hurt" unforgettable; because for Johnny Cash, the song is reality. He is at "the end". There's no chance to "start again". No matter how diluted, strung out and broken Reznor was, there was still hope for him. Cash knows he'll take his regrets to the grave. And there's an honesty and longing in his voice that reminds us we all will. It's beauty in it's most hideous form-- the power of hopelessness, that makes this song truly legendary.

A militant apathetic

-250 punk points

It's been too long since I've posted on this, so I thought I'd aim big. Pissing off atheist trolls and Bad Religion fans in one post is risky business, but if I pull it off, I should have roughly 4325326753 hits on this thing  by tomorrow. Next week maybe I'll talk about how Fat Mike should've been aborted. Although probably not, because a) that's mean and b) I don't want to get sued. Here goes...

So, word came to me through the great gods of the internet that highly polarizing (and lame) punk band Bad Religion are scheduled to play an event in March called "The Reason Rally". Essentially, this rally was spearheaded by high profile atheist Richard Dawkins and his chums in order to legitimize atheism in the eyes of Americans. Sounds a little unnecessary to me, but I've heard worse excuses to drink in my life. The qualm I have with this whole event lies in it's mission statement, which reads:

"Across  America,  in  every  city,  every town,  and  every  school,  secularism  is  on the  rise. Whether people call themselves atheists, agnostics, secular Humanists, or any of the other terms used to describe their god-free lifestyle, secularism is coming out of the closet. According to a recent Harris Poll, we are the fastest growing theological segment – in all fifty states.But as we emerge from hiding, we meet hostility.  Nationwide, secular people are among the most despised in the country.  Our politicians ignore us, our society berates us, and we are blamed for everything from 9/11 to earthquakes."

Now, those last two sentences raise a lot of questions about the motives of the organizers and attendees of the event, and about the merits of "militant" atheism in general. First, holy victim complex batman. Second, what makes these idiots any different from the religious nuts they so despise? I'm pretty sure Glenn Beck did something just like this. Are you really changing the world with your crazy anti-god ways, or are you just another group of stubborn dickheads shouting opinions nobody cares about?

Okay, before we begin, let me get two things out of the way. First, I'm going to use the term atheists to refer to Richard Dawkins lovin' militant weirdos, because that's too long to type out more than once. I have nothing against atheists, agnostics, or any other secular/non-secular religious persons. I'm sure the vast majority of atheists are completely rational, non-annoying people who just operate in logic and can't bring themselves to believe something unless it's been scientifically proven to be fact or pretty damn close to it. That's cool. So is believing in God. Fuck, worship Kermit the Frog if you want, it doesn't really matter (unless you're blowing shit up, but that's for a different article). You can even wave your beliefs in my face if you feel so inclined, just try not to get too butthurt when I attack your delusional worldview, k?

Second of all, here are my personal religious beliefs, so you get an idea of where I'm coming from with this post. I used to postulate on God like a mother, until I realized it's actually impossible to prove anyone's theory one way or another, and now I couldn't care less. Does God exist? Potentially. Am I gonna let it affect my decisions in life? Hell no. Judging by how the world has treated some of it's people, it wouldn't surprise me if heaven was made up entirely of suicide bombers and beautiful virgins put there solely for the purpose of carnal pleasure-- I'm not taking any chances on ruining the 50ish years I (hopefully) have left where I know I have it pretty damn good. The world is too full of fun places, good music and beautiful women for me to care about God, let alone if someone else does.

Now, back to the matter at hand. Do these atheists actually see a difference between themselves and the religious fundamentalists they blame for all the world's ills? Okay, they haven't killed nearly as many people in the name of God, fair enough. But do they actually see a difference in attitude? Because to me, it's the same stink in a different bowl. Let's examine the similarities between your average religious radical and your average atheist weirdo:

1. They both spend too much time dwelling on the existence of an imaginary man in the sky.

2. They both refuse to budge on their positions despite a complete lack of empirical evidence to support them.

3. When confronted with an actual sound argument, they both resort to talking points and gibberish.

4. They both have a tendency to project their own shortcomings/misfortunes on another sect of the population.

5. They both have an unhealthy fixation on being "right", be it in the eyes of God or logic.

6. They both attend rallies, read books, and surround themselves with information that does nothing except reinforce their demented worldview, getting them no closer to solving the mysteries of the universe like they so desperately long to do.  

But above all, the victim complex these two groups have is unbelievable. Like seriously, if you are living in Canada or the US in 2011 and you actually believe you're being oppressed because of your religious beliefs (or lack thereof), I advise you to seek therapy immediately. 

In fact, this brings me to what I actually wanted to talk about. Unless you are a member of the LGBT community (the only people in industrialized North America that are still legally persecuted and treated with widespread intolerance), and you believe you are being victimized by society/the government for whatever reason, you need to stop thinking like that and take control of your own life.

So the government treats you unfairly? Guess what man, the government treats us all unfairly. They don't really give a fuck about us; that's reality. Turn 14 already, it's time to make your own way. So society doesn't accept you for who you are? Fuck society. Society caters to C averages and is really just a construct of your imagination anyways. Do people actually aspire to be what society wants for them? That scares the piss out of me. So Fred Phelps thinks you caused 9/11? Does what some dumb hick thinks about you actually affect the way you feel about yourself? If so, you're probably a dumb hick too, ya dumb hick! Sure, some idiots may hate you for some belief/genetic trait you have, but the vast majority of people are too busy paying rent/trying to get laid to care one way or another. And if you care, you've immediately let them win, which means in theory that you are sub-dumb hick. Not a good position to be in, my man.

Listen, it's 2011. If a man who 150 years ago would've been considered a trade-able commodity can run your country, your middle-class, white, male ass can do anything (except get penetrated in like 22 states, then, sorry). The reason you're not getting shit accomplished is because you're putting limitations on yourself and aren't working hard enough. Are fundamentalist Christians in political positions preventing you from opening that vegan bakery you've always wanted to? Is the silent majority behind why your band only practices once a month and therefore sucks? Is Fred Phelps holding a gun to your head and forcing you to write a blog entry at 9:30 pm on a Friday when you should be upstairs flirting with the cute girl who lives above you? NO, YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER! Your life is in your own hands! Stop being a fucking victim and start living bro, because --according to you-- heaven and reincarnation are bullshit, so you only get one chance at all this. Make it count.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some cute roommates to hit on.

P.S. Bad Religion are mediocre at their very best. Sublime killed them on their own track. PROVE ME WRONG!

The ONLY band EVER!!! (SOTD: Alexisonfire- Accidents)

Warning: I use homophobic slurs (ironically) to show what a mongo I once was. If you can't handle that, go suck a dick or something.

I remember playing some kind of shitty online game involving emo bands. Although I don't exactly remember the premise of the game, a bit of cut-scene dialogue sticks out in my head as memorable. I'm paraphrasing here, but essentially the game stated that members of all "emo" bands (with the exception of HWM and ATDI for some reason) had ovaries, which made it impossible for these bands to put out more than three good albums before putting out a shitty one, imploding, and breaking up.

With that in mind, today's SOTD is by Alexisonfire. They officially broke up a couple of days ago (weeks now I guess, god I'm lazy) and since they were the band that got me into hardcore/punk/music with screaming, I feel obligated to say something. So here goes.

When I was in Grade 8, my friend Sean showed a 'screamo' song he was really into called "Accidents." Being heavy into bands like Guns N' Roses and AC/DC at the time, I immediately dismissed Accidents as "gay screaming bullshit" and most likely began jokingly questioning Sean's sexuality as Grade 8's do. Three-ish years later, when my musical tastes had become slightly more progressive (Pantera, The Afghan Whigs) I heard "Boiled Frogs" by a band called Alexisonfire on CFNY (Toronto's alternative radio station), and was immediately conflicted. On one hand, I knew that screaming music was "queer and shitty", but on the other hand, there was something about this "Boiled Frogs" song ; I actually kind of liked it! At first I decided to play it safe and dismiss the song, but after a few more radio listens, it became inescapable. That song was damn good. I had to download it. After downloading and listening to the shit out of a couple songs off Crisis (Limewire days), I decided that I needed more AOF in my life. So, one day, I went to HMV, bought Watch Out!, then proceeded to get high as shit and listen to it.

I can still remember the way the first track, "Accidents", gripped me. Never in my life had I heard something so fast, explosive, or unrestrained. There was an energy to this music even the hardest rocking Tragically Hip or Pearl Jam songs (my then favourite bands) didn't hold a candle to. I was used to dark, brooding angst with brief moments of emotional release - "Accidents" was dripping in pure fucking anger. Watch Out! became simultaneously the single most challenging and refreshing piece of music I'd ever heard.

As I listened to Watch Out! more and more, it became somewhat of a crutch for me. Musically, the whole album was a punch in the mouth to the way I thought about structure, instrumentation and dynamics. Emotionally, however, it felt more like a warm hug from an old friend. At the time I was going through a rough breakup, not getting into the college I wanted, a bunch of beef with my parents, and all that other bullshit that seems insurmountable when you're 17. Along with a few Tragically Hip records, Watch Out! became the soundtrack to my life. Angry, aggressive, emotionally charged, and most importantly, hopeful, the album gave me a place to turn when I felt I'd exhausted all other options. To this day I listen to at least part of that album once a week.

It always seemed to me that AOF got a bit of a bad rap. Not only were they dismissed by Pink Floyd shirt kids like myself as being "gay screamo bullshit", but by the old guard for being, essentially "gay screamo bullshit". They were always unfairly lumped in with not-entirely-dissimilar sounding bands who came out around that time. You know, the ones that dyed their hair stupid colours and sang pop songs about getting bullied in high school. Alexis was a different breed. They were fast, challenging, sometimes violent and always fraught with emotion. There was nothing lame about this band, the haters never got it because they never cared to.

Say what you will about this band, but if you're in the 18-25 crowd, listen to punk/hardcore, and live anywhere near a 400 series highway, AOF is in your blood. You get an adrenaline rush every time you hear the first two notes of ".44 Caliber Love Letter". You know all the words to Dallas' parts in Watch Out! and probably most of Crisis. If you don't own that poster with them on the school bus, one of your close friends does. I guarantee you know somebody with that heart-skull logo tattooed on them. We pretty much grew up with this band, and seeing them break up is like closing a chapter in our lives. I mean, the first time you heard these guys you were probably still getting bullied and wouldn't see second base for another two years. And when you couldn't handle all of your own spastic, pent up aggression, you listened to a band that seemed to thrive on whatever the hell you were feeling. Now, that band has broken up, and you have a degree, a job, tattoos, a girlfriend, a phone bill and responsibilities that your 15-year-old self could have never fathomed.

I guess we're just not the kids we used to be.

Saying "RIP" to six dudes who are all still alive and well seems like an odd thing to say. So I guess I'll just say good-bye Alexisonfire. Thanks for the music and the memories.

Peace

10 Bands You Must Immediately Educate Yourself on the Existence of pt. 2 (5-1)

What's up kids? Sorry It's been so long since my last post - I've been busy smoking reserves, banging foreign girls and scooping pickles off the floor for a living (no, seriously). Anywho, back into the swing of things. MORE BANDS!

5. Attack in Black

To be honest, this band would be higher on the list if I could figure out whether or not they were still making music. Judging by the number of solo projects they have going on, it looks gloomy. Despite their status as a band, these guys make the list just for their back-catalouge. Their album Marriage is, simply put, a fucking masterpiece. These guys started off as a balls-out hardcore band, but as they matured, so did their sound. Attack in Black's existence could be lifted from the plot of a cheesy science fiction movie – Neil Young, Black Flag and The Arcade Fire all mixed perfectly together in a test tube to create a monster that was too earnest, too brash, and too versatile to really exist in a world that clings to scenes and resists change. Heartfelt indie rock rooted equally in punk sensibility and strong musicianship, Marriage and the two EP's that came before it were too weird to live, yet too good to ignore. Lyrics are also brilliant. If you like punk, indie, or music in general, I urge you to check these guys out.

4. Form and File

As you may remember, I went mental about this band in one of my first posts. Well, my love for these guys has yet to dwindle. There are so many bands in the current punk/hardcore scene that try to emulate mid/late 90's post-hardcore bands like Small Brown Bike or Hot Water Music. Unfortunately most of these bands end up sounding more like The Gaslight Anthem or a shitty American Football ripoff. Form and File is one of two bands I've heard (the other being Title Fight**) that can actually pull this style off. Sure, it's obvious these guys listened to their fair share of Jawbreaker, but they also bring a level of unpredictability and skill that pushes their sound beyond the archetype and into something that ends up being quite forward thinking. Form and File aren't trying to recreate an old style, they're trying to move that style forward.

3. Trap Them

I don't always listen to metalcore, but when I do, I prefer it to be blazing fast and brutally violent. Trap Them hit that nail right on the head. A Frankenstein's monster combination of hardcore, grind, metal, crust punk, d-beat, and any other Black Flag influenced genre that will never be commercially acceptable, Trap Them have been toiling in the under-underground for nearly a decade. Their latest release, Darker Handcraft, has seen them take their game to a whole other level. It's fast, powerful, drenched in feedback and driven by blast beats, but (because of good musicianship/songwriting) lacks the sloppiness/overbearing brutality that turns most people off grind or extreme metal. On top of that, some of the songs on Handcraft are actually quite catchy. Listen to the album three times, and then on the fourth time, try not to sing along with “The Facts” or “Every Walk a Quarantine”. Go ahead, I dare you. Unfortunately, Darker Handcraft doesn't seem to be getting the attention it deserves, which is a damn shame, becase it's top 5 of 2011 material in my opinion.

2. Tigers Jaw

Tigers Jaw were originally supposed to be number one, but after I wrote the description for the (former) runner-up band, I had to change the order. That's no knock against Tigers Jaw – these guys are still really, really fucking good. If you took all the best parts of indie rock, emo and pop-punk and shot them all together in the world's most awesome fission generator, this band would emerge. I've never been to one of their concerts, but I would assume there are a lot of cute girls in plaid shirts crowd surfing and push moshing, which is an apt description of their music. This band has the whole Nirvana-esque “we're only punk because we suck at playing our instruments but we don't actually suck at playing our instruments” vibe going on, which is interesting because if I had to pick a band to go all Nirvana and come out of nowhere to make a lot of money, I'd pick these guys. Shit, my parents like them, that has to say something. So let's review, shall we? Catchy, affectionate, but still punk as fuck? Check. Quality songwriting and musicianship? Check. Huge crossover appeal? Check. Cute female keyboard player? Check. I'd say we're good to go.

And the weiner is........

1. End of a Year/Self Defense Family

Self Defense Family, End of a Year, Funny and the Jokes; whatever you want to call them, this band is a force to be reckoned with. In a matter of years, these guys have gone from sounding like something off Dischord circa 1987 to being one of those rare bands that can do literally whatever the hell they want and still pull it off. What seperates good bands from great bands is the ability to strip off all pretense, give a firm 'fuck you' to everyone's expectations, and focus on writing the best music possible. End of a Year have made it perfectly clear: they don't care about labels, they don't care about alienating fans, they don't care about the “rules” of the scene; hell, they don't even care about their band name – all these guys want to do is make good music. And they're succeeding at doing just that. Their last album, You Are Beneath Me was nothing short of spectacular, and if “I'm Going Through Some Shit” is any indication of the “heavier” direction they've been hinting at, their next release will be even better. It's not very often you get to see a band transcend “hardcore” in a way that pushes the genre forward. These guys are set to do just that. Watch out.

** I'm assuming you know who Title Fight are. If not A) they win, B) stop living under a fucking rock and C) you're welcome. Also, I'm assuming you've heard of La Dispute and Defeater. If you haven't, then fuck. And if you haven't heard of Polar Bear Club, pressing F8 will take you straight to their Myspace.

The Interesting People Files Vol. 1: Patrick Kindlon

Okay kids, listen up. Today I've decided to do something a little different. Instead of indoctrinating your innocent minds with my opinions alone, I'm starting a segment in which I will ask interesting and sometimes semi-famous people for their opinions on the interesting topics du-jour. The first installment will feature Patrick Kindlon - lead vocalist for the bands End of a Year and Drug Church, and the closest thing this world has to a social media guru who isn't lame as shit. So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Patrick Kindlon. 

Who do you like to win the World Series this year?

Yankees. Is it likely? No, but believing something can happen in the face of proof it won’t is what separates optimists from assholes. 

What's your take on online dating? Would you try it?

Do hot girls exist there? If yes, sure. I don’t have any pride issues with that sort of thing. If a hot woman pops out of the sky, a computer screen, or a porta-potty, it doesn’t matter. End result trumps process when it comes to romance. 

If you had to entertain someone in Albany, NY for a weekend, where would you take them?

I’d drive them 50 miles in any direction so they’d be more entertained than they could be in Albany. 

Who do you think will win the GOP primaries? What do you think that person's chances are of becoming president? What would that mean for the country?

I’m going to say Dr. Doom is the likeliest candidate here. The GOP has become a cartoon. If they could put Cruella DeVille on a ticket they would. The most interesting political theatre of the past decade was watching John McCain sell his personal beliefs down the river in exchange for a shot at the throne. He’s a reasonable human being who became a caricature of a button-pushing white warlord for the votes that come with it. Maybe this time the GOP will urge a former moderate to wear a Hitler moustache and refer to the Middle East as “The Future Puerto Rico”.  

What's the most interesting place you've ever visited? Any cool stories?

Berlin is up there for me. I find that post-war history so damn sad and engaging. Also, Thailand. Maybe I was sheltered growing up, but until I visited Thailand I had never seen a woman shoot darts out of her vagina. I think that defines “interesting”.

There are a lot of musicians with a political focus to their music. Do you think political music has ever changed the world? Can it?

No. People are hicks. People enjoy being hicks. I bet if you polled the most retrogressive rednecks in Washington, The Beatles would make the short-list of favorite bands. I’ve met plenty of criminals who love Bob Marley. Nu-metal dudes love Refused. No one actually cares about a band’s message. It’s part of an image that helps sell a product. The band MIGHT care, the people who buy it MIGHT pretend to care, but no one ACTUALLY cares. And probably rightfully so. Why should they? Is there some wisdom an asshole in a band has that all the ignored scientists, researchers and theorists on this planet aren’t privy to?

Also, what would you like me to call your band when I put this up? End of a Year SDF work?

Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular

So, there you have it. The Interesting People Files featuring Patrick Kindlon. I'd like to thank Patrick for taking time out of his busy schedule to do this. 

P.S. New genres and Part 2 of the bands you must know about coming soon!

10 Bands You Must Immediately Educate Yourself on the Existence of pt. 1 (10-6)

This is quite self explanatory, at least I believe it is. Part 2 soon, fools!

10. The Reptilian

I don't know exactly how to describe these guys. It's kind of like a screamo/mathcore amalgamation with really jazzy drums and Minus the Bear-esque guitar tapping guitar technique. Think Victor! Fix the Sun meets TNTLLY meets like Botch or something. It's a really niche sound, but if you're into it at all, I urge you to keep listening. These guys are only gonna get better as time goes on, and I have a feeling their next release is going to be a good one.

9. P.S. Eliot

To introduce this band, you may expect me to make some almost-patronizing reference to the fact that the majority of it's members are women. However, I don't want to do that because a) that's chauvinistic bullshit and b) these guys actually kick ass. They play a style of brash, honest indie rock that girls are so damn good at making, but with a nice grunge/punk drive that keeps shit interesting. Think Liz Phair meets early Nirvana. Or Hole, minus the whole being bad at making music thing. Apparently, P.S Eliot were going to break up earlier this year, but decided not to, presumably because their album Sadie kicked ass. I for one am stoked, and can't wait to hear more from them in the future.

8. Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker

Okay, so their Approved EP was less than stellar in my opinion, but according to a reliable source, these guys are working on an album that will return them to their stripped down roots while still building on the pop sound they've cultivated over their last few releases. I really hope they can pull it off. At their best, these guys create eclectic, energetic dance beats based around strong indie-punk guitar-based tunes and earnest, heartfelt sentiment. Basically the friendliest push-mosh you'll ever be in. Ash Boo-Shultz is a lyrical genius, using strange references to science, religion, and seemingly whatever else to talk about his feelings in a way that's so fucking weird yet entirely relate-able. This band is all about mixing flash with substance, and when you do that the results are sometimes diluted (see: Approved). However, if USS can get that magic combination of quirkiness and killer songwriting back, look out.

7. TesseracT

Ladies and Djentlemen, I'm proud to present TesseracT. Easily the best musicians on this list, these Brits play a style of metal based around a challenging guitar technique, polyrhythms and time signatures that require a calculator to understand. If that sounds lame as shit to you, bear with me. Instead of beating you over the head with their impressive (read: shitty) songwriting, jumping through polka interludes and 19 minute long chant sessions, these guys opt to create music that's actually enjoyable to listen to. Their music is smooth, melodic, and flowing, and the only time you'll notice how technical they are is when you're bobbing along and realize you're out of time every 4 seconds or so.

6. Hunter City Madness

I went to college with two of the guys in this band, but if you think that's the reason they're on this list, think again. HCM serve up southern-fried metalcore northwoods style, offering tasty riff after tasty riff in an unrelenting sonic assault, but with just enough southern swing to get you moving your feet. Think a leaner, meaner, Every Time I Die. This would be the perfect soundtrack if you were running from the cops or laying a girl with lots of tattoos. Don't get me wrong, it's not just one big party – these guys are road-wary, well read, and most importantly good musicians, but god damn, they know how to let loose. Perfect mental image – Johnny Cash, Hunter Thompson and a lumberjack drinking whiskey and eating amphetamines at Maverick's. This is party hardcore for kids whose parties don't suck.

SOTD: Hot Water Music- Arms Can't Stretch

This tune is an absolute gem. Before Hot Water Music went on to define the beard-core genre, they were actually a very Jawbreaker/Leatherface influenced "emo" band. "Arm's Can't Stretch" is off one of their early EPs, and was released on their 12' comp Finding the Rhythms. It's such a simple song, yet so wrought with emotion and power in the way only HWM could deliver it.

The reason I love this so much is because it captures a very interesting time in the band's development. HWM were obviously still playing around with the direction they wanted to go in when they wrote this song, as it sounds more akin to Christie Front Drive than any of their later work (even the stuff of FFTHG, when they still sounded pretty "emo"). One of the coolest challenges of being a musician is stepping outside your comfort zone to find "your sound." Hearing a band so clearly experimenting with their direction is really neat, especially when their later work sounds completely different. It's also really neat when that experimentation is as well executed as this song is. It makes you wonder, what if...