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Friday, 16 September 2011

A militant apathetic

-250 punk points

It's been too long since I've posted on this, so I thought I'd aim big. Pissing off atheist trolls and Bad Religion fans in one post is risky business, but if I pull it off, I should have roughly 4325326753 hits on this thing  by tomorrow. Next week maybe I'll talk about how Fat Mike should've been aborted. Although probably not, because a) that's mean and b) I don't want to get sued. Here goes...

So, word came to me through the great gods of the internet that highly polarizing (and lame) punk band Bad Religion are scheduled to play an event in March called "The Reason Rally". Essentially, this rally was spearheaded by high profile atheist Richard Dawkins and his chums in order to legitimize atheism in the eyes of Americans. Sounds a little unnecessary to me, but I've heard worse excuses to drink in my life. The qualm I have with this whole event lies in it's mission statement, which reads:

"Across  America,  in  every  city,  every town,  and  every  school,  secularism  is  on the  rise. Whether people call themselves atheists, agnostics, secular Humanists, or any of the other terms used to describe their god-free lifestyle, secularism is coming out of the closet. According to a recent Harris Poll, we are the fastest growing theological segment – in all fifty states.But as we emerge from hiding, we meet hostility.  Nationwide, secular people are among the most despised in the country.  Our politicians ignore us, our society berates us, and we are blamed for everything from 9/11 to earthquakes."

Now, those last two sentences raise a lot of questions about the motives of the organizers and attendees of the event, and about the merits of "militant" atheism in general. First, holy victim complex batman. Second, what makes these idiots any different from the religious nuts they so despise? I'm pretty sure Glenn Beck did something just like this. Are you really changing the world with your crazy anti-god ways, or are you just another group of stubborn dickheads shouting opinions nobody cares about?

Okay, before we begin, let me get two things out of the way. First, I'm going to use the term atheists to refer to Richard Dawkins lovin' militant weirdos, because that's too long to type out more than once. I have nothing against atheists, agnostics, or any other secular/non-secular religious persons. I'm sure the vast majority of atheists are completely rational, non-annoying people who just operate in logic and can't bring themselves to believe something unless it's been scientifically proven to be fact or pretty damn close to it. That's cool. So is believing in God. Fuck, worship Kermit the Frog if you want, it doesn't really matter (unless you're blowing shit up, but that's for a different article). You can even wave your beliefs in my face if you feel so inclined, just try not to get too butthurt when I attack your delusional worldview, k?

Second of all, here are my personal religious beliefs, so you get an idea of where I'm coming from with this post. I used to postulate on God like a mother, until I realized it's actually impossible to prove anyone's theory one way or another, and now I couldn't care less. Does God exist? Potentially. Am I gonna let it affect my decisions in life? Hell no. Judging by how the world has treated some of it's people, it wouldn't surprise me if heaven was made up entirely of suicide bombers and beautiful virgins put there solely for the purpose of carnal pleasure-- I'm not taking any chances on ruining the 50ish years I (hopefully) have left where I know I have it pretty damn good. The world is too full of fun places, good music and beautiful women for me to care about God, let alone if someone else does.

Now, back to the matter at hand. Do these atheists actually see a difference between themselves and the religious fundamentalists they blame for all the world's ills? Okay, they haven't killed nearly as many people in the name of God, fair enough. But do they actually see a difference in attitude? Because to me, it's the same stink in a different bowl. Let's examine the similarities between your average religious radical and your average atheist weirdo:

1. They both spend too much time dwelling on the existence of an imaginary man in the sky.
2. They both refuse to budge on their positions despite a complete lack of empirical evidence to support them.
3. When confronted with an actual sound argument, they both resort to talking points and gibberish.
4. They both have a tendency to project their own shortcomings/misfortunes on another sect of the population.
5. They both have an unhealthy fixation on being "right", be it in the eyes of God or logic.
6. They both attend rallies, read books, and surround themselves with information that does nothing except reinforce their demented worldview, getting them no closer to solving the mysteries of the universe like they so desperately long to do.  

But above all, the victim complex these two groups have is unbelievable. Like seriously, if you are living in Canada or the US in 2011 and you actually believe you're being oppressed because of your religious beliefs (or lack thereof), I advise you to seek therapy immediately. 

In fact, this brings me to what I actually wanted to talk about. Unless you are a member of the LGBT community (the only people in industrialized North America that are still legally persecuted and treated with widespread intolerance), and you believe you are being victimized by society/the government for whatever reason, you need to stop thinking like that and take control of your own life.

So the government treats you unfairly? Guess what man, the government treats us all unfairly. They don't really give a fuck about us; that's reality. Turn 14 already, it's time to make your own way. So society doesn't accept you for who you are? Fuck society. Society caters to C averages and is really just a construct of your imagination anyways. Do people actually aspire to be what society wants for them? That scares the piss out of me. So Fred Phelps thinks you caused 9/11? Does what some dumb hick thinks about you actually affect the way you feel about yourself? If so, you're probably a dumb hick too, ya dumb hick! Sure, some idiots may hate you for some belief/genetic trait you have, but the vast majority of people are too busy paying rent/trying to get laid to care one way or another. And if you care, you've immediately let them win, which means in theory that you are sub-dumb hick. Not a good position to be in, my man.

Listen, it's 2011. If a man who 150 years ago would've been considered a trade-able commodity can run your country, your middle-class, white, male ass can do anything (except get penetrated in like 22 states, then, sorry). The reason you're not getting shit accomplished is because you're putting limitations on yourself and aren't working hard enough. Are fundamentalist Christians in political positions preventing you from opening that vegan bakery you've always wanted to? Is the silent majority behind why your band only practices once a month and therefore sucks? Is Fred Phelps holding a gun to your head and forcing you to write a blog entry at 9:30 pm on a Friday when you should be upstairs flirting with the cute girl who lives above you? NO, YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER! Your life is in your own hands! Stop being a fucking victim and start living bro, because --according to you-- heaven and reincarnation are bullshit, so you only get one chance at all this. Make it count.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some cute roommates to hit on.

P.S. Bad Religion are mediocre at their very best. Sublime killed them on their own track. PROVE ME WRONG!

1 comment:

  1. Just one comment:

    "they haven't killed nearly as many people in the name of God" is factually inaccurate. Atheist Mao Tse Tung stands as the world's all-time greatest mass murderer. The Guinness Book of World Records currently lists him as the "record holder" with 25 million murders to his "credit." When you add in atheist Joseph Stalin's 13 million murders, atheist Pol Pot's 2 million, and the many and varied Communist regimes which were almost entirely atheist, you'll see that - mathematically speaking anyway - atheists have been the most prolific killers. Feel free to check out the widely accepted reference book "the Black Book of Communism" for all the numbers.

    Granted, part of this is the fact that these were 20th century murder campaigns, and that back in the darker ages there were nowhere near as many people to kill. But still, stats are stats, and no religious violence has ever approached antying near 25 million...even when you add up cumulative totals over millenia. It is a little like the old "of all the people who ever lived, the majority are still alive..." which is true because today's world population is so high.

    Anywas, sorry for the nitpick, but I AM a nitpicker where statistics are concerned, can't help it. Them's the stats.