If any of you haven't voted in the Ontario Provincial election yet, I thought I'd turn you on to my favourite Candidate, The Rt. Hon. Mr. Spoiled Ballot. A tour de force in our political landscape for years, Spoiled Ballot has been a strong voice for Canadians of all shapes and sizes, fed up with the inefficiency and politicization of mainstream government. For a look at how great Spoiled Ballot is, all we have to do is examine the other candidates and their platforms.
PC: Calling somebody the "Tax Man" might persuade a few four-year-olds into voting for you, but to everyone else, you look foolish. And when you have no plans to get rid of the taxes you decry, you look extra foolish. Like, pussing out on a triple-dog-dare foolish.
Liberal: Remember when Dalton McGuinty let some concerned mothers run the government for him, threatening archaic driving laws for people under 21? Well, guess what? Everyone you tried to fuck over with those laws can vote now, bro! YOU'RE SCREWED! Also, Tim Hudak tells me McGuinty's the the boogeyman, or American, or something...
NDP: May have had my vote if it weren't for their ad being on every second YouTube video I've watched in the past three months. Seriously not cool, Andrea...
Green: Judging by the results of Chad's "sand-based" economy, I don't think implementing a "snow-based" economy is the right fit for Ontario.
Marxist-Leninist: I liked his work with McCartney better, to be honest. And wasn't "Tax Man" a George Harrison song anyways?
Libertarian: Might as well vote for Spoiled Ballot. Your vote will look just as angry, and a lot less weird...
Family Coalition: Apparently, these guys missed the boat on provinces having little to no jurisdiction on abortion legislation. They also missed the boat on this, which is pretty fucking scary. These people shouldn't be allowed to vote, let alone form parties.
I'm Not Voting- A strong opponent of Mr. Ballot for years, Not Voting has refused to take a hard enough stance on the issues time and time again. Spoiled Ballot is the ONLY choice when it comes to representing fed up Ontarians. Also, you get to draw cool pictures in the circles!!!!
So there you have it. Spoiled Ballot is obviously the best choice when it comes to putting Ontarioioians first. Still need convincing? Ask yourself this... would you leave your children's future in the hands of any of those people? No, seriously, would you?
Holy fuck that family coalition thing is awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm still going to vote Liberal since it won't destroy the education system for my kids when they hit that age in 2 years.
I know eh? I can't tell if he's being facetiously stupid or just really fuckin stupid. It's great!
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