Advice to a Friend Part 2

Here's part two of the letter I wrote to my friend regarding women. Part one can be found here.

Now I know exactly what you're thinking. “Not give a fuck, how is that possible?” I know where you're coming from. It's hard when you're cold and lonely and watching romantic comedies to not think about being with somebody else. Well first off, you can always just preoccupy yourself with what's at hand, which works wonders for when you're trying to accomplish other shit, but there's only one way to unlock that next-level “Can I say FF on TV?” attitude: you have to ask somebody out and get rejected. It's a scary proposition, but it's absolutely necessary. I can sit here and type essays at you till my fingers fall off, but you'll never be able to fully grasp how ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LITTLE getting shot down matters until it actually happens to you.

About a month ago, I asked a (non POF) girl out for the first time since I was 17. I decided I liked this girl a lot, and I thought I was getting vibes from her, so I decided to buck up and tell her I wanted to “get to know her better.” Turns out I got her signals wrong, because she wasn't down for it. At first it was pretty embarrasing, then for about 24 hours afterwards, it really sucked. But after that subsided, I realized something: I was still alive and well. The world hadn't ended. Shit, our friendship didn't even end – if anything it's gotten stronger because we've gotten the whole thing out of the way and I don't feel the need to be anyone but myself around her. Now, when I approach women, I actually give zero fucks, because I know only good things can come of it. That alone is a really, really powerful feeling. But like I said; I can preach this shit till I'm blue in the face but it won't mean shit unless you experience it for yourself. Hell, ask the girl out on Facebook; that's what I did! if anything, there's a better chance of being rejected, which means greater potential for success on this mission. This is an abso-fucking-lute must-do, no matter how daunting it seems.

An important caveat to the “give no fucks” attitude, and to dealing with chicks in general, is that you have to treat women – and yourself – with respect. I don't think I need to tell you this, but it's noteworthy. You MUST remember that women aren't objects to be won over but actual people with a will and a sex drive that you can't control and shouldn't try to. Likewise, you don't need to go for the low hanging fruit because you have a need to be loved/wanted – it's not a good look and it's not fair to those girls. It's far more respectful to everyone involved and far more likely to work if you treat this less like a game of Risk and more like a love relationship with another human being. Oh and if a girl rejects you, it's not because she's a heartless bitch and/or you're a worthless sack of shit – it's because she sees the two of you as incompatible romantically. Instead of perseverating on it, move past it and nurture your friendship. If you thought she'd make a good lover, she'd sure as hell make a good friend, so really you have nothing to lose by moving on and not being a weirdo about it.

So yeah, that's the end of my rant. I honestly can't say my approach will work, because I only feel more desireable, not because I'm reaping the reward yet, so maybe I'm wrong. But on the flipside, I ACTUALLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE, so it doesn't even matter. If nothing else it's a really, really powerful feeling to be able to approach an attractive woman and not give a flying fuck about how the conversation will go.

Hope this was helpful or informative in any way.

-Vince