Remember back in high school when you used to make fun of emo kids because they were the only people softer than you? Well guess what? Thanks to a bunch of bands from the Midwest with stupid names like "Dads" and "Pity Sex", emo couldn't be cooler in the year 2013! That's right, emo revival has had dudes just like you turning their lingering chronic depression/inability to gain muscle mass into COLD HARD POONTANG since 2010, and now that SPIN and NPR have hopped on the bandwagon, the floodgates have officially opened.
Wanna get a piece of the action but don't know where to start? Well fear not, loyal reader; just follow these ten important steps and you'll be hopping on a plane to Champaign, Illinois to fuck a girl you met online in no time. Here goes...
Crucial #emorevival jamz.
Ten Steps to Being an Emo Kid
1: Dress like a poor hipster. Wear Chucks.
2: Talk about the Get Up Kids a lot.
3: Overly romanticize the Midwest.
4: Date a girl named Sadie or Rachel. Write a song about her.
5: Guyliner is your call, but proceed with EXTREME caution.
6: Wear a cardigan or some shit.
7: Own cassette tapes.
8: Talk about makeoutclub like you weren't 11 years old in it's heyday.
9: Pretend you've actually listened to Pinkerton.
10: Build a time machine and transport yourself back to 2001 when anybody actually gave a fuck.
So there ya have it! Just follow those ten simple steps and you'll be the coolest guy at your local VFW/campus library/loft party/wherever the fuck emos hang out these days. Good luck!
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