Today's installment of the shittiest genre ever will pit the nose singing Creed ripoffs of Flyover rock against the hopeless virgins of crunk-core. This is a battle of the only kids who got ass in high school that are getting paid well (minus pro athletes), against the manchildren who still resent the kids who got ass in high school. Here goes.
Flyover Rock
Flyover rock is a genre of rock'n'roll named after the states it's popular in. You know, the ones in between NOLA, Chicago, Pittsburgh and Denver that everyone chooses to take a plane over because of the complete dirth in art, culture, or anything remotely interesting to look at? Well, the last third of that sentence pretty much sums up flyover rock.
Aestetically and musically, flyover rock is some of the most boring shit on the planet. Essentially, take the four coolest dudes in high school, give them instruments, and let them play Bush covers. Then, take out Gavin Rossdale's lyrics (Bush's only redeeming quality) and replace them with banter about partying, fucking strippers, and other high brow material that the Clear Channel 16-35 year old crowd will gobble up. Oh, and every singer must sound like an extremely overproduced version of either Layne Staley or Eddie Vedder. Chris Cornell has too good of a range, and Kurt Cobain sounds like a little fairie boy to the steroid eating jocks they're trying to sell this shit to.
You have to remember, this is post-post-grunge music. Remember how big of a step down Silverchair was from Soundgarden? It got worse... a whole lot worse. These guys consider Nickleback part of their musical lineage. Worst part is, the guys making this shit are still getting more ass than you ever will. For now anyways... the Kings of Leon and other “indie” rockers are hot on their tail. (I'm pretty proud of that pun)
Crunk-core
Remember the kid at your high school who wore his sisters pants, dyed his hair all kinds of stupid colours, and constantly whined about how awful his life was, even though his Sunshine List parents gave in to every single one of his stupid demands? How about the white kid who wore baggy tees and flat-brimmed hats, referred to everyone as “dawg”, “nigga”, and “homie”, and used to freestyle in the smoking section at lunch, only to be pumped by the black kids for all his bus fare? Guess what? These two hopeless asshats somehow found each other, and for some unknown reason, are deciding to make music. Enter the unholy union that is crunk-core.
Crunk core is essentially everything that sucks about Attack Attack combined with everything that sucks about the Ying-Yang Twins. Shitty screaming, shitty rapping, Autotune, terribly written beats, annoying, overused synth, and “METUL AS FUKKKK!!!!1!!!” breakdowns. Somehow, this shit appeals to 14 year old girls, which is appropriate, because judging by the lyrical content, it was either written by 14 year old boys or registered sex offenders. Speaking of the lyrics, that's the worst part of this shit. At best (3OH3) the lyrics are BEP/Flyover material. At worst, they sound like they were written by 15-year-olds who won't see second base for at least another 7-10 years (Brokencyde).
And the Wiener is:
Oh fuck, that's not even close. Crunk-core is worse by a landslide. As inane and cliché as flyover rock is, it's at least tolerable to listen to in small doses. After all, these guys are being groomed by a major label. So while they sound about as interesting as listening to paint dry, at least they're presentable. Crunk-core on the other hand, is just plain trash. Also, when flyover jocks sing about fucking girls and getting wasted, they sound believable (probably because they do that kind of stuff a fair bit). Crunk-core kids sound like they're stealing material from Ava Devine to write their songs. Again, appropriate – Ava Devine is to female sexuality as crunk-core is to good rap or hardcore. Essentially, fooling a lot of 14 year olds into thinking the real world's a lot different than it actually is.
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