I don't care if you can name five songs from the band on your t-shirt

I have mixed feelings about gatekeeping.

On one hand, I do not think it's cool to physically assault teenagers at shows to "separate the strong from the weak" or whatever.

I do, however, encourage e-bullying people like hesh.dad off the internet for thinking that 2000 TikTok followers makes their opinion more valuable than people who have been putting on shows for 10+ years. 

(Sorry to normies and people who are not terminally online, that last sentence was probably word salad)

My relationship to gatekeeping is complicated. Maybe I'll go deep on that one day.

Let's get into one specific aspect of it though -- the idea that you must be a knowledgeable fan of a band to wear their merch. The "name five songs" principle, if you will. Can't name five songs from the band on your t-shirt? Take it off.

This isn't just a subculture thing, in fact many boomers and cringey high school kids get extremely butthurt about people wearing Nirvana and Metallica shirts as fashion. I guess the problem these people have is just that -- the wearer of the shirt is somehow using the band's image as a "fashion statement" for "social clout", and it undermines the band's "true fans" who have "been there since day one".

Please don't ask me to explain the logic behind that, because there is none. Music is highly emotional, and I guess there's an irking response to seeing something you love "corrupted by posers". Sometimes you have to overcome you emotions, though. Realize how incredibly stupid it is to care whether the stretched ears metalcore kid can name five Agnostic Front songs. 

Why? Well, band t-shirts are sold primarily in one of three ways:

1. By the band themselves at a show, or by their record label on a website.
2. At a large retail chain through a licensing agreement.
3. Second-hand through resellers, merch swaps or (if you're lucky) a thrift store.

Each of these avenues for shirt procurement has a distinct reason for why you shouldn't care about what t-shirts other people are wearing.

1. Direct from the band/label

This should be obvious. Buying merch from a band or a label is the easiest and most effective way to show support from a financial perspective. Anyone who put $20+ in a band's pocket by purchasing a shirt from them has every right to call themselves a supporter of the band. I would say that most REAL hardcore kids actually have band shirts where they CAN'T name five songs from the band. Real ones wear shirts from bands they gave $20 in gas money to five years ago and then never listened to again. 

2. Through licensing agreements with major corporations.

I really shouldn't have to explain why getting triggered over this is stupid, but people who are trying to gatekeep classic rock bands have brain worms, so here goes.

The band who "means so much to you"  that, as a 40 year old man you have to bully high school students, made the conscious decision to sell their merchandise on the racks of a multi-national corporation like Wal-Mart or Hot Topic. The band signed a contract, as a corporation, allowing another corporation to sell their likeness. To the band, the people buying the shirts are just a faceless amount of money that shows up on a balance sheet. To the retailer (that's corporate speak for store), your favourite band's merch is just some bullshit delivery they get from a random third party, along with all the "#1 Grandpa" and "Wine Not" shirts you see at your local Target. 

What about this process is sacred to you? You might as well get mad at five-year-olds for not knowing George Carlin was the original host of Thomas the Train. You sound like a fucking lunatic.

3. On a secondary market

This is the one that makes the most sense to be upset about. Some little poser is not only wearing a really cool vintage Joy Division shirt, but he also paid at least three figures worth of currency to buy it. I get it. It's funny. This is where the concept of "punching down" comes in, though. You have to be confident enough to just appreciate the coolness of the shirt and not feel contempt for the rube who's wearing it. Don't insult these people. They'll feel enough insult when they look at their checking account, then look down at their shirt and realize they can't name five songs from the band they just missed rent to rep.

Actually, you know what? I don't think those kids are that self aware. Yeah, I guess you can gatekeep those fools. Whatever.